Everyone has a story

Today I had a guy in one of my classes tell me he had just been diagnosed with cancer. I have never had to have that conversation one-on-one with anyone. And he was not telling me because we are good friends, he was simply telling me because we are in a group project together and wanted me to know that he might not be able to do all the work. He sat there an poured his heart out to me and somehow kept it together. The whole time I really didn't know what to say or think. All I could remember was how I had spoken of him to my friends previously. The things I had said about this guy were not nice. I had made fun of his outfits and his enthusiasm in class; I only spoke ill of this boy. And today while sitting there realizing that he had to deal with something so terrible, I felt myself breaking inside. This is selfish of me to say because my thoughts at the time did not matter. I felt honored that he trusted me enough to share this with me. But it was one of those things that kicked me in the ass.

People move on throughout life judging others and making their own opinion and thoughts about people. But we never think about the things that could be going on in their lives. We never stop to wonder who the person is and why they are the way they are. If the world did that, it would be a much better place.

I felt sorry for making fun of this guy. But worst, I felt sorry that it took something like this to change the way I looked at him. There are these moments though throughout life that stop you in your tracks and kick you in the ass, and this one was one of those for me. One of those moments that make you realize that even though I am an adult, I still have a lot of growing and changing left to do. It still amazes me how people come in an out of my life for reasons.

SO I am not saying that I will never speak ill of anyone again, because we are human and unfortunately that happens. But I will try to remember that everyone is human and has a story to tell; people are going through life just trying to fill the pages of their book to someday finish their story in a way they want. Everyone has a story and I will try not to forget that.

Home

Weeks ago in school we talked about a person's domicile. A domicile is basically a legal term for someones' home or the place that someone has substantial contact with. Most people in class did not think twice about where this place was for them; but for me on the other hand, it was a relatively difficult topic. Looking back throughout the years, I have called 5 different places home: I was born in Puerto Rico; moved to Clare, MI when I was 10; moved to Grand Rapids, MI for my undergraduate career; my parents moved to Lakeland, Fl my second year of undergrad; and finally when I graduated undergrad I moved to Indianapolis, IN to began law school. After all these places I have lived in, loved in, grown in, it was hard for me to decide where my domicile and home was.

So I ask myself and I ask you, what is home? Where is your home? And what does home mean to you? I have been thinking about this for weeks and have finally come to a conclusion; home for me is not just one place, home is many places for many different reasons. For me home has become more than just a geographical place; for me, people have become my home and the places where I found myself will always be home. Puerto Rico, sadly has simply become the place I was born. Clare is still my home. I grew up there, had my first kiss there, got in a lot of trouble there, and began developing my own personality and ways of thinking there. Grand Rapids will always be my home: there I grew into the woman I am today by joining organizations, getting jobs and internships, and after changing my major many times, finding the career that I was meant for. Lakeland is my home simply because of the people there. My parents, my sister, and others there make this home for my heart. I feel tranquil and at peace when I am there and feel so much love I sometime don't know what to do with. And finally, Indy is slowly becoming my home. I have started to grow there and fully become an adult. I have met people there that make me happy and who share common goals and interest. My heart is spread amongst many places and I love that. I can go many places and the slighted smile from someone can make me feel at home.

So the topic of home is a complex question that every individual faces. But for me, it is many places and will most likely change multiple times throughout the years. But I consider myself so lucky. I can hop in my car or in a plane, choose a place and go, and feel at home. 

Today I leave Lakeland after spending a week with family. I get sad every time but then my friends find a way to smile and make me feel home again.

The "R" word

Ah yes the dreaded "R" word...relationships. Something that is the topic of too many conversations these days. Every time I get on Facebook or go anywhere people are talking about relationships they have, wish they had, or havent had, at some point. But the worst one I hear is about the relationships they wish they had. Don't get me wrong, I would love for Prince Charming to come sweep me off my feet and that we could live happily ever after...oh but right, this is the real world and I barely have time to do anything, let alone start a new relationship right now. Relationships take time, care, and lost of work. I definitely don't have time, I currently care way too much about school/my career and my work consist of writing papers and sitting in my office all day (aka the library).

I think people are so caught up in all this relationship stuff that they forget to cherish the relationships they already have. At this point in our lives people are pressured to get married and start a life with someone else but for some of us that is not the plan right now, and quite frankly I am ok with that. I am almost 24 and when I tell people that I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years to move away and go to law school some people are shocked. But why? I was not ready to settle down and stop my life for some time so I could devote it to someone else. I wanted to grow, mature, learn, find my passions, travel, and start my career so that someday I could settle down and start a family and be ok. I was not ready to to give up my independence and fully give 100% of myself to make someone else happy. I wanted to make myself happy first before I could make someone else happy. Selfish? Maybe...but that's ok. I would rather be selfish now, by myself, than hurt someone else by being selfish with them.

The world needs all kinds of people and it's ok to not fit into what others think is the norm. Not just women, but men also deserve to be whatever age they want to be before they are ready to settle down. These years, these in between years, are the times where people find themselves, wether it's with the help of a significant other or a journey taken a lone. Either way it's ok.


Enjoy these years. Live, laugh love..and don't forget to do whatever truly makes you happy, even if that means being a lone :)

The in-between years

Life is just full of people asking us what we want to do or what makes happy. People everyday come up to me and ask me what I plan on doing for the rest of my life. I usually make up some answer about my job or future husband and where I want to live. But in all reality, I don't know. In all reality I, and most of my friends, are in what I like to call, the in between stages of our lives. We are in a place where we aren't young but we aren't old; where we know how to take care of ourselves but sometime we don't; where we can't really think about where we are gonna be 5 years from now because quiet frankly, we have absolutely no idea. Half of the time we don't even know what we are doing for dinner when 7pm rolls around and we are starving. We spend our days in libraries, classrooms, mediocre jobs, and bars just plainly try to get by hoping that someday there will be more.

I am definitely not saying that these years are bad times. I have had some of the best times this year. And I am also not saying that after the in between years end, that things don't change for people. What I am saying is that planning things out is just tough because nothing is even remotely secure right now. I have no clue where I will be working at someday, or even what field specifically, who I will marry or anything of that sort. These years are the years that we have to work up to those things. We have to fight through these years that seem almost meaningless at times to get to the places where we feel like we were meant to be or with the person or people we were meant to be with.

I will say one final thought on these years that I consider the in between years: we do have to enjoy them. As of right now we don't really have much to worry about. Well, yes we do because our careers and futures are completely unknown but as long as I do find something in the fridge or pantry to eat when 7pm rolls around, life is generally ok. Life is truly generally ok. And that's ok. We will someday find our calling, whether it's beings mom/dad or being a crazy successful attorney, we just don't know what's gonna happen. And that, well that's ok too. We will get there. So for now lets enjoy those nights at the bars, and the days we have to spend in classrooms and libraries or working those mediocre jobs. Because someday they will all be memories of the good and bad times that made you the person you ended up being.